Autumn 2001 "When The Going Gets Tough..."

ur newsletter will promote principles of personal success for women. These ideas will illustrate success in the working world, in interpersonal relationships, and in developing self esteem and confidence. Each member will bring special knowledge about attaining personal goals and adding a sense of discovery and excitement to women's lives.

	"I'm always amazed when I suggest to clients of mine ... that we have a choice about how we react to whatever happens, good and bad."      "You may be hurt, angered, even humiliated by something that happens ... but that doesn't mean that you have to give those emotions expression RIGHT NOW."      "But I can't help it!" is the response I most often receive.      Let me blow that out of the water right now.
	"... whatever you are dealing with right now, start each day with the reminders of all you have to be grateful for, and get a new perspective on what has happened or what is tough for you currently."
	"... we are all challenged now to think about the ways in which we can respond [to the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks] over the long term, and what we can encourage our own government to do and not do..."
	"... when the going gets tough, as it has in America this week, there are many things you can do to learn and grow from the ashes of disaster to create a better tomorrow."
	"Inner Strength is our core of resilience, the essence of the timeless Self that holds a seed of Wisdom that grows us over every obstacle."

Lenann McGookey Gardner is a Harvard M.B.A. and an independent management consultant specializing in improving companies' sales and marketing results. She works with smaller businesses, as well as large companies, worldwide.  Call Lenann when you want to grow your sales by closing the most desirable, highest profit business. Lenann is a recent winner of the American Marketing Association/New Mexico's "Services Marketer of the Year" award. Visit her on the Web at www.YouCanSell.com.

ough times happen.

     Even the most talented, successful people have downtimes, ballplayers have slumps, people who are fundamentally optimistic get discouraged, kids (and adults) have bad, blue days.

     What's the remedy? Or, what's the coping mechanism that will help us to survive the bad times until the good times roll again?

     I think it's discipline.

     I'm always amazed when I suggest to clients of mine (usually female; men have this problem less frequently, I've found, although they have other, equally serious, problems!) that we have a choice about how we react to whatever happens, good and bad.

     "You may be hurt, angered, even humiliated by something that happens," I say, "but that doesn't mean that you have to give those emotions expression RIGHT NOW."

     "But I can't help it!" is the response I most often receive.

     Let me blow that out of the water right now.

     You CAN help it, you're just CHOOSING NOT TO.

     The idea that emotions must be expressed immediately, and fully, is fundamentally flawed. Sure, your feelings are your feelings, you're entitled to them, they're not wrong. And they're not rational, logical things. They're all over the place, and that's all right. And feelings need expression. If you don't express your feelings, eventually they may eat the lining of your stomach right up!

     But expressing your emotions at the moment that you feel them can lead to disastrous consequences. Cry in the workplace, and some people won't take you seriously ever again. Shout at your spouse, and the intimacy you share may be damaged. Beat your puppy - even if he WAS about to run into the busy street - and he may cower around you for the foreseeable future.

     The key, it seems to me, is to allow ourselves to have bad feelings, but to disconnect HAVING the feeling from ACTING ON it. Express the feeling, yes, but only when it's appropriate to do so. I like to express a lot of mine while working out. Other people beat their pillows, or talk to accepting friends who will hear them out and not be driven away by the intensity of the emotions expressed.

     Last week, while in Texas, I spent quite a lot of time talking with a friend whose five-year-old daughter has a particularly nasty form of cancer. Between trips to the hospital and attempts to hold down a job, help her 17-year-old son grow up and face the challenges of a new school, and keep a home running, she is also coping with a husband who has abandoned the family and is now living with a former close girlfriend.

     Needless to say, my friend's situation is "tough times" times ten!

     In a boisterous restaurant environment, I sat still while she vented her fear that the medical treatments for her daughter that she had been asked to approve might, by themselves, kill her child. She looked me in the eye and talked about her RAGE at her husband, his abandonment, and the years he spent taking advantage of her prior to his departure. Mary was MAD, and she was putting it out with all the intensity she could muster.

     I looked her right in the eye and let her know I heard every word she said. I was outraged that this combination of events was happening at all, and especially to her, a loving, grounded, capable woman.

     I heard every word, and then I asked her what she had done today to keep her employer happy with her performance in a job that she's spending less time doing than had been the case before her baby's illness.

     Venting with me was the right thing to do, it was done at the right time, and at the end of it we needed to take care of business - the benefits from her job, and the paycheck, are absolutely essential to her now. Now is not the time for Mary to fall into the abyss of sadness - it's time to strategize how to use the time she has to pursue the priorities that she has established.

     In my experience, it's hard sometimes to be tough minded when we'd like to collapse and have someone take care of us. In my work with companies (and individuals) who need to sell more of what they have to offer, I see another version of this problem: people who are overwhelmed by the lack of success in their business, are discouraged, and are giving in to that discouragement instead of developing strategies to dig their way out, and finding appropriate outlets for their frustration, anger, and/or sense of defeat.

     I deliver essentially this message to such people: "If you walk out on yourself now, you'll fall into the abyss. Things definitely won't get better for you. If, on the other hand, you can muster the courage, or the focus, or the desire, or the determination, or the intention, or the 'dammit, I'm just gonna do it' quality that will allow you to GET SOMETHING POSITIVE DONE, you have at least a hope of your situation improving." Tell yourself that, assuming you're not clinically depressed or otherwise ill, it's your CHOICE whether to act now and hope to improve your situation, or just collapse and let it all go. Make that choice, and live with the consequences.

     Mary fights on. I called her last night from the airport in Atlanta, and SHE was asking ME about the frustrations of my week on the road. And, once again, I was hearing her out. She's standing up on her hind legs and working the strategy she has for her life, altering it from time to time as her circumstances change. I admire Mary. And I think it's possible that we can all take a lesson from her.

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Janet L. Hall is a Certified Kinesionics Practitioner/Herbalist/Nutritionist and owner of Alternative Wellness Center in Albuquerque. She is a member of the Association of Specialized Kinesiologists of the U.S., and also a member of the American Herbalists Guild. The People Living Through Cancer organization recently awarded Janet a plaque for her caring, dedicated and professional treatment of those she works with who are dealing with cancer. Janet is also the consulting Kinesiologist and Nutritionist for A New Hope, a foundation for eating disorders. Janet can be reached at (505) 294-WELL, or drjhall@qwest.net

n just about everyone's life, there comes a time when the going gets tough. But what can you do to get through those rough periods in your life? I can certainly relate to this. Overnight I was widowed at the age of 34, with an 11-year old, a 9-year old and a 10-month old baby to raise. Shortly before my husband's death, I had been disabled in a car accident. Unable to walk very well yet, not able to eat any solids (TMJ jaw surgery was imminent) and certainly unable to work, life looked very bleak and hopeless. Was it a tough time in my life? I'll say! In the months and years ahead, however, I learned invaluable methods of coping, surviving and learning to live again. Perhaps I can pass some of these on to you.

Perspective is the key
     The way you perceive a situation makes all the difference in coping with it. After the tragedy that struck my family, all I could see was what I had lost. That was my focus. It was like the old saying about seeing the cup as half empty versus half full. My grief and loss were so intense that I could not see the wonderful things I still had in my life - my three beautiful children, my relationship with God, our home, that my health could be recovered, and that a new, yet quite different life lay ahead. I had to begin each day by getting up and reminding myself of all I had to be grateful for. I was grateful even for the little things - finally getting to actually chew food again, looking outside and seeing the roses on the bushes that my husband had lovingly planted for us, the daily achievements of my children in school, and my progress in physical and emotional recovery.

     So, whatever you are dealing with right now, start each day with the reminders of all you have to be grateful for, and get a new perspective on what has happened or what is tough for you currently. Look at it from the positive aspect - as a new challenge that you are capable of conquering.

Taking time for yourself
     Whatever the issue in your life that is presenting a tough time for you, you'll need all your resources to deal with it. So, even though it may seem to be using up your every moment, and you feel stressed out completely, you MUST MAKE TIME to "refuel" yourself, so to speak.

     Instead of frantically rushing out of the house each day to accomplish all those endless tasks, start your day on a different note. Get up a few minutes earlier, have a cup of tea, read some positive affirmations, reflect NOT on all you must do today and the current crisis - but instead, on all the things you have to be grateful for today - and it will change the tone of your entire day. Start the day by rushing - and it generally stays that way; start out with inner peace and harmony - and feel it all day.

Seeing to your physical, mental and emotional health
     Getting adequate rest and eating a healthy diet ARE a must when the going gets tough. Think about it: our bodies require these in adequate proportions when we are NOT under stress and having difficulty. How much more, then, are required when we are! Emotions themselves create acidity in the body, stress adds to that acidity, poor diet drives the acidity level higher - which taxes the body even more - and what you end up with is a total lack of energy, uncomfortable physical symptoms and eventually disease. Alkalizing foods are a must!

     I sought out an alternative practitioner to help me with health, diet and exercise, and found that because she was a Kinesiologist, she could help me with the mental/emotional aspects as well. I was taking so many medications when I went to her - an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety drug, anti-inflammatories, painkillers, sleep-aids, etc. I was able to wean myself off all of them within 60 days by just changing my diet, adding nutritional supplements and letting her do emotional therapies for my grief and suffering. 

     This experience is what prompted me to become a Kinesiologist, too. Given the right tools, the body heals itself. So, see to it that you get the care you need.

Controlling your emotional responses
     When the going got tough for me, I did not know that I could actually be in control of my own emotions and responses. I used to think that circumstances or events or other people could determine how I felt. This is not true. When something happens to you, you choose your emotional response. A wise therapist I had once related this story to me as an example:

     Three people were at a restaurant having lunch. They all saw a woman slip on a banana peel and fall, and experienced three different emotions in response. One person felt both embarrassed for the woman and sad that this had happened to her, another felt angry that the restaurant had not cleaned up the banana peel so that this accident would not occur, while the third person felt that the incident was hysterically funny.

     This little example has stayed with me to this day, proving that I DO have a choice about how I react or respond when the going gets tough. So, start choosing more positive emotional responses now, and it will move you forward in life.

Reward yourself for small achievements
     Sometimes we tend to create our own stress or tough times by setting our goals too high. We must realize even small achievements often in order to feel that we are progressing and contributing in life. Are you still waiting to get past major hurdles in your life before you reward yourself?

     Start looking at your daily or weekly achievements instead. Decide to reward YOURSELF - just as you would your friend or your child for the smaller achievements - and watch your self-esteem grow. What WOULD you do for a friend? Take her out to lunch… buy him a gift… maybe just DO something nice for them. Then, start applying this kindness to yourself. Do it for you!

Envision the future
     How do you want the tough times you are going through to end? If it is rough finances, picture having plenty of funds or perhaps a new job - and even if you can't envision it exactly, try to picture how you would feel if it occurred. Envisioning your future is a powerful tool, and gives the subconscious something to work towards. If a relationship - or lack of one - is creating difficulty in your life, envision being okay with or without it. Since my partner had died, this was a very important one for me. I felt that my life had ended, and I couldn't see my future, so I had to keep picturing being strong, self-fulfilled, happy, and a great parent - whether I had a relationship or not.

     You, too, can get through this rough period in your life - and you will! I hope these few tips from my experience are helpful - and I wish you the best!

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Jane Blume, Editor/Publisher of our Defining Women newsletter, celebrates 35 years of professional work in communications this year. Jane founded Desert Sky Communications in 1989 to help businesses, non-profit organizations and individual entrepreneurs "get the right messages to the right audiences." Desert Sky's services include public relations, marketing and advertising strategies and execution; writing and editing; corporate identity; photography; facilitation; and innovative radio programs. For more information, call Jane at (505) 294-1976, email to  or visit www.desertskycommunications.com.

uesday, September 11, 9:07 a.m.: We weren't even at home in Albuquerque this day, this hour; we were visiting friends in Minneapolis - and neither the radio nor the TV was on. Suddenly, my mother-in-law called with the astounding news about the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. We rushed to turn the television on, and it was hardly off for the next week.

     Since that terrible day, I've been beset by many conflicting emotions: horror over the extensive loss of life and injuries, and how this all was accomplished… distress over the complete destruction of a major landmark in my home town… worry about the lengthy struggle ahead and the possible affects upon our financial markets, the economy, and our whole way of life… deep concern about possible future attacks and what form they might take… an equal concern about why we are the objects of such hatred… a desire to see the perpetrators rooted out and brought to justice… profound admiration for the rescuers who rushed to the scene, and all the New Yorkers and other Americans who volunteered to help in numerous selfless ways… wonder at the bravery of the passengers who apparently disrupted the fourth hijacking… and gratitude that - for the most part - our citizens are turning to reflection, prayer and consoling those who have lost loved ones and those who are searching for the thousands of missing.

     As I sit here trying to absorb the extent of the tragedy and to sort out of all my feelings, my mind returns to the first week in August, when Phil and I attended an extraordinary international meeting in Switzerland sponsored by a worldwide movement called Moral Re-Armament. MRA was founded in the 1930s by a Protestant clergyman named Frank Buchman, who saw the "war clouds" gathering in Europe and was looking for a way to prevent it. Buchman believed that conflicts among nations and peoples could be resolved only if opposing parties found ways to reconcile with each other through healing from within and apologies to "the other side." And healing from within could occur only if an aggrieved person could "put things right" in his or her own life.

     And so here we were, 6,000 feet up on a mountain above the lakeside city of Montreux in MRA's conference center, meeting people from every corner of the globe, all of whom had one purpose in mind: achieving peace, reconciliation and social justice through sincere efforts to understand and heal the grievances and hurts of others. We had heartfelt encounters with:

• An American rabbi, a Brooklyn-born Israeli woman and the spiritual leader of the Moslem community in Brighton, England, who have been trying to bring Palestinians and Israelis together for years;

• Two elderly French Catholic couples who endangered their own lives by saving their Jewish countrymen from capture by the Nazis during World War II;

• Representatives of the opposing factions in Sierra Leone's recent civil war, who agreed to meet here on unthreatening, neutral ground to try to achieve understanding and forgiveness;

• MRA workers from Richmond, Virginia who are healing the racial divide in their city; and --

• A beautiful group of (mainly Muslim) women from Sudanese Mothers for Peace - currently in exile in London - who have been working to end the strife in their country since 1987.

     We returned to Albuquerque profoundly moved by everything we had seen and heard, determined to find some way to incorporate MRA's philosophy into our own lives. And so, when our nation was attacked one month later, we asked friends of ours - a couple who work in MRA's national office in Washington, D.C. - what the movement's response was going to be. Their initial response was, "We plan to seek out people in the Moslem community to try to ascertain their reactions to all of this." The husband, who actually runs the office, went to London almost immediately to participate in international consultations.

     Whatever steps MRA's leaders specifically choose to take, I do know that the movement's basic philosophy reflects a statement penned shortly after the attacks by Rabbi Michael Lerner, editor of Tikkun magazine and author of Spirit Matters: Global Healing and the Wisdom of the Soul:

     "Imagine if the Ben Ladins of the world had to recruit people against America at a time when:

1. America was using its economic resources to end world hunger and redistribute the wealth of the planet so that everyone had enough.

2. America was the leading voice championing an ethos of generosity and caring for others - leading the world in ecological responsibility, social justice, openhearted treatment of minorities, and rewarding people and corporations for social responsibility.

3. America was restructuring its own internal life so that all social practices and institutions were being judged 'productive or efficient or rational' not only because they maximized profit, but also to the extent that they maximized love and caring, ethical/spiritual/ecological sensitivity, and an approach to the universe based on awe and wonder at the grandeur of creation (what I call an Emancipatory Spirituality)...."

     Is it naïve or impossible to think that we can move in this direction, Lerner asked. He answered his own question thus, "The response of people to the World Trade [Center] collapse was an outpouring of loving energy and generosity, sometimes even risking their own lives, and showing the capacity and desire we all have to care about each other. If we could [legitimize] people allowing that part of themselves to come out without having to wait for a disaster, we could empower a part of every human being [whom] our social order marginalizes. Americans have a deep goodness-and that needs to be affirmed."

     The Internet has been full of messages echoing similar themes, and we are all challenged now to think about the ways in which we can respond over the long term, and what we can encourage our own government to do and not do - especially when we are looking at some difficult and ambiguous times ahead.

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Carol Akright is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), stockbroker and insurance agent specializing in intergenerational planning, retirement funding and wealth building. She is Registered Principal and Branch Manager with Associated Securities Corporation of Los Angeles, a full service brokerage firm. A financial educator as well, she lectures nationwide at both public and corporate seminars on investment strategies, "Dream Funding," and other financial topics. Contact her at 505-897-1970, akrightcr1@aol.com

f ever there was a time to reflect on the topic, "when the going gets tough," it certainly is now. I am writing this article the week of the New York/Washington terrorist disasters, and these unprecedented events have definitely impacted my view of what is on the horizon for this nation, for the financial markets, and for all of us as individuals in this dawn of a new century. While this kind of attack changes our sense of personal and national security, and amplifies concern about an already uncertain economic outlook, it's important to consider how this week's tragedy affects our long-term view of the new horizons we face. In many ways, from the ashes of crumbling buildings and loss of life arise some opportunities that would not have happened this soon, or in such a startling manner, had those planes never hit the architectural landmarks of our financial and political lives.

     First, and foremost, we understand more fully than ever before what a strong and united nation of diverse peoples we are. While attending a church service in Los Angeles, I marveled when the minister introduced the head of the Islamic community in that small village town, welcoming him and his entire family to the Christian Sunday worship services, and reminding all of us that we are the nation that welcomes and embraces people of all religions and nationalities. This diversity is part of the fabric of our national power, our creativity, and our determination to take the best of what many peoples' cultural history and ethnicity bring to our American populace and economy.

     We thrive on differences, and yet remain unified in our desire to raise all of our children in safety, educate our people to make the most of our American freedoms and economic opportunities, and to rid our streets of crime and our nation of those who would attack our citizens in this unsavory way. This richness of nationalities, who have become and will become American citizens, is central to the riches of fundamental freedoms and economic prosperity that, I believe, will be sustained over the long haul in this nation of peoples from every corner of the earth.

     Second, I think each of us as individuals has been forever changed in our level of appreciation of life - its brevity, its fullness, its preciousness. Those of us in towns and cities where no planes crashed realize how easily this could have happened to us, to our families, to our offices. Most of us know someone who did lose someone in the World Trade Center. I noticed families hugging a lot more, saying sooner than they might have those important "I love yous," making sure that we have shared the value of these loving relationships with those who matter most to us.

     This tragedy also makes us stop and review our concerns, our petty grievances, our gripes. These minor irritations take on less significance, seem even trivial in the face of such devastation. I know that I, for one, will hold my tongue, be more patient, and spend more time with those I hold most dear. I will also be much less self-critical, more self-forgiving, and take more things in stride that before were sources of irritation. Doesn't life seem simpler in many ways? Our goals seem clearer? That which is truly important leaps out at us. I foresee in the months and years ahead that we will strive to become more involved with our neighbor, more helpful to those less fortunate, and more tolerant of the struggles of others.

     On the other hand, I feel the country has coalesced in its revulsion against racial intolerance, terrorist radicalism and hatred, and the harming of innocent citizens to make political points. I think more people will vote, more young people will get involved in eradicating wrongs, perhaps even run for political office, to make our country a better place. I think we all will acknowledge that we live in that "global village" we've been talking about for decades. Americans now know we can be attacked on our own shores, and we feel closer to the tragedies citizens of other nations have faced on a more recurring basis. On the horizon, I see fewer Americans feeling isolated from the hurts of the world. This will lead to more cooperation among all of us-from political heads of state to school children in multi-national school rooms.

     While the economic downturn was a reality fully eighteen months before that fateful Tuesday morning, the falling stock market this first day of trading after the attacks does not portend a stock market disaster. Stocks will go up again, once we've culled overpricing and bad earnings reports from the economic headlines. This may not be the bottom of the bear market, but we're likely to see the beginnings of recovery sometime in 2002. We have to be patient. We didn't get to this recession quickly, and we'll not move out of it quickly. But the fundamentals of our economy are strong-a good banking system, a watchful Federal Market Policy, a technology expansion that will not be turned back no matter how many dot.com companies fail to prosper. We're in a weeding out process, and we will see a strong stock market again.

     The economy will survive this tragedy, but we have a lot of work to do as a nation to sustain long-term growth. Corporate America is hard at work, along with the government, in trying to make that happen. A war against terrorism, over the long haul, will create defense jobs, security infrastructure, and perhaps even fuel the reversal from recession that we've all been awaiting. So, financially, we'll even see our portfolios grow again, if we're patient.

     Personally, I am excited about the opportunities that lie ahead for those individuals who adapt to the inevitable changes that we face on the horizon. Change is the predecessor, indeed the cause, of growth in our economy, in our own businesses, and in our personal lives. The events of this week will bring about many changes-in the way we go about our daily lives, the way we travel about the globe, and in the way we view our own potential as well as our limitations. Wondrous challenges and growth lie ahead for all of us. The new horizons look promising, even as we nurse our wounds from the events of September 11th. Think about how you can challenge yourself, your company, and the people in your community to take this experience that we have all felt so deeply and create new horizons that compel you, and all of us, to fulfill an even greater destiny than we might have ever before imagined.

     So, remember, when the going gets tough, as it has in America this week, there are many things you can do to learn and grow from the ashes of disaster to create a better tomorrow.

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Dr. Gail Feldman is a clinical psychologist, award-winning author, and public speaker. Her latest book is, "From Crisis to Creativity: Taking Advantage of Adversity." She is trained in hypnotherapy, regression therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). For more information, please call her office at 505-266-8488; you may also send email to: GFWrites@aol.com or visit her Website at www.gailfeldman.com

n a commuter flight to Los Angeles one morning, I was reading the paper, intentionally ignoring the condescending instructions on how to fasten my seatbelt, when my ears picked up the following statement: "Should the air pressure drop in the cabin of the aircraft, an oxygen mask will fall in front of you. After you stop screaming, place the mask over your nose and mouth." Laughter erupted from the passengers as we realized that the stewardess had turned her normally boring, informational talk into a comedy routine.

     Since the terrorist attack of September 11, I can't imagine anything humorous about air travel. I think the going has gotten tough, and it may get tougher. When an ordinary event becomes frightening, we first react with disbelief. As the enormity of the crisis is realized, some form of protest erupts - gasps, cries, screams - and as the horror engulfs us, we collapse inward, the normal structures of response toppled. Our immediate task is to keep breathing, moving beyond the fear, allowing our focus to narrow - into the most precise, survival-oriented behavior.

     In our day-to-day lives, the tough times are usually not as overwhelming, but sometimes they are. Since our national tragedy, I've heard many people apologize for their personal problems. "It makes me feel petty to worry about my retirement fund when so many people have died," one friend said. Another young friend in New York City told me on the telephone through her tears that her roommate had judged her harshly for following her normal routine. "I can't stop crying as it is," she said. "If I stop doing the structured activities I usually do, like yoga, I'm afraid I'll go crazy."

     Survivor guilt results when we compare ourselves to those less fortunate, and when we allow our compassionate caring to slip into questioning whether we are worthy to be alive. A serious crisis like this one also causes us to re-experience previous loss. So, not only must we cope with the immediate grief reactions, but also with the frozen feelings from the past. This brings us to a point of choice and a point of challenge.

     The choice is to recognize that life always continues, and the challenge is to discover and create ways to go on. This necessitates great self-respect, respect for all of our troubles, large and small. Every difficult circumstance must be honored: increased or decreased work-loads, lowered income, losses in the stock market, death, illness, care-giving, and all changes in our personal lives that we experience as loss or a deprivation of richness.

     Many women in mid-life are juggling plates filled with a variety of jobs - a job in the workplace with possible uncertainty about its stability, the pressure of earning more, or lessened desire or stamina to stay with the position; a job of care-taking or witnessing the passing of aged parents, with the renewed requirement of finally facing and resolving old conflicts that this transition brings up; the job of adjusting to the loss of love and proximity when grown children move away.

     These life events are tough, and they serve as reminders to call upon our Inner Strength, that part of the personality that has propelled us through every hard time in the past. Inner Strength is our core of resilience, the essence of the timeless Self that holds a seed of Wisdom that grows us over every obstacle. From that perspective, we can observe ourselves screaming in response to crisis, and we can allow the organism to do whatever grief-work needs to be done, learning to self-calm as we incubate the next bold steps.

     The Buddhist concept of nonattachment might be useful here: If we can be centered in awareness of WHAT IS, we can proceed and learn much in the present moment. If we can be unattached to a certain outcome, we are prepared to accept the education inherent in any situation. My friend, Dee, came to New Mexico armed with extensive knowledge about computer programming, graphic design, personnel development, and business consulting. One year later, it was apparent that her small business would fail. She was disappointed and fearful, but as a practicing Buddhist, she simply began to focus clearly on her options. As she did this, the perfect job became available for her.

     The disappointment, the anger, the frustration, the depression, the obsession, or the mania - all of the forms of our grief must be released before we see the way clear, before we manifest new life. Like a guidance system, we can use these reactions to learn more about what we truly want. What job, how much work, what location, how much income? More important, what kind of person are we choosing to become? How are we creating our ideal self, the woman we've always wanted to be? What is the fire burning away? And what will be left?

     What will be left is the magnificent essence of who we truly are. And we can trust that when the going gets tough, the tough emerge - able to see all the facets of that diamond shining in the center of the heart.

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