Autumn 2002 "Is There Enough Passion In Our Lives?"

ur newsletter will promote principles of personal success for women. These ideas will illustrate success in the working world, in interpersonal relationships, and in developing self esteem and confidence. Each member will bring special knowledge about attaining personal goals and adding a sense of discovery and excitement to women's lives.

	"...we are so lucky in this country, to have the chance, perhaps more so than any place else in the world, to pursue our passions. It’s almost as if the word “enough” is a challenge to us, an obligation really. There is nothing stopping me, or you, from sorting through our many passions and experiencing them to the fullest."
	"Passion is living the life that interests and excites, regardless of the difficulties. De Beauvoir and Ginsburg persevered in living passionate lives, staying true to their values, and overcoming the obstacles society placed in their way. Further, their passion proved to be their purpose, their contribution, and their service to others."
	"When I think of my passions, I come up with this list: my husband and daughter, my friends, my dogs, dancing, singing, performing in any sense, playing word games, getting moving, movies or better yet live theater, travel, reading, my spiritual life, and time together with fun clients who honestly want ideas about how to make more money."
	"Think back, if you will, to a time when you fell madly in love and had a very passionate romance in your life. What was it like? Well, life felt full of meaning, purpose and the future looked bright and full of promise. Your body responded to these wonderful new emotions by feeling youthful, strong, and energetic. Your heart was light and joyful."
	"What is most important to Phil and me – and, I’m sure, to the four of them - is that they are free to let their imaginations soar, to create and play great music for wildly appreciative audiences. They are free to perform with virtuoso musicians of all stripes. They are free to be true to themselves and follow a spiritual path. They are free to follow their musical passions, wherever they may lead."

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Carol Akright is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), stockbroker and insurance agent specializing in intergenerational planning, retirement funding and wealth building. She is Registered Principal with Associated Securities Corporation of Los Angeles, a full service brokerage firm. A financial educator as well, she lectures nationwide at both public and corporate seminars on investment strategies, "Dream Funding," and other financial topics. She is the author of FUNDING YOUR DREAMS GENERATION TO GENERATION (Dearborn Trade, 2001), and can be reached at (505) 897-1970 or akrightcr1@aol.com. Her website is www.fundingyourdreams.com.

don’t know about you, but when I ask myself the question, “Is there enough passion in my life?” I find it makes me uncomfortable. First of all, I have trouble with the concept of “enough,” in general, and in particular when applied to this subject. I strive always to create the life I want, in all areas in my life; and I must say that right now I don’t have enough passion in my life in some very important aspects. In other areas, I’m pretty OK - i.e., there is enough in those realms.

     You may think of passion only in relationship to sensuality or romance. That certainly is one area that interests me. I’ll admit something I don’t tell people very often - I read passion novels. Not just a few: I read LOTS of them. Why? Because I’ve always loved the way the men and women in these novels are passionate about life, passionate about their beliefs, and passionate about each other. They may fight; they may disagree, but they have this drive to live and love to the limits of emotional capacity! I admire that.

     Sadly, I will admit that I don’t have enough of that kind of passion in my life. I’m married. I love my husband, but I knew the day I agreed to marry him that a passionate nature he did not have - not in the realm of romance, anyway, and not even in terms of sensuality. I knew that I was giving up something that I wanted, but I decided there were many good things about him that I loved, and so I chose a lifetime companion who does not share my romantic nature. Most days, it’s OK. Sometimes, I feel wistful that we’re missing something wonderful that other couples share. I don’t know how many couples, but I do know some who are blessed in this way.

     Now, do I still feel passionate, romantic and sensual? Yes. I love being a woman, and I love romantic movies, and I love to feel sensual. I enjoy my own passionate nature very much.

     Another part of life where I’ve not been able to fulfill my passion is in my heartfelt yearning to be a mother. I was unable to give birth to children, and one attempt at adoption has not worked out. Still, I have such a passion for experiencing the unconditional love and opportunity to nurture a child, that I am certain one day I will have enough passion as a mother - for I am convinced I will find the right child, or children, to bring home to love. I’m not at all wistful here; I’m very determined!

     Now, I do need to explain that there are some arenas in my life in which I feel rich with passion. I feel so full to the brim that I’m fair to bursting with enthusiasm, excitement, and pleasure. These areas of passion include my love of learning, my love for children, animals, nature, and the simple beauty of the dawn each morning. I feel joy so often when I see what I can experience with friendships, my family life, in serving others in my work, and growing and becoming more of what I can be.

     I LOVE life. Simply that: I LOVE life. To me each day is a gift to be treasured. Perhaps this is more true for me because I am a breast cancer survivor. When you face the possibility of a shortened life span, and then you’re given the chance to keeping on living, your heart expands with such a passion for enjoying each new day that you wonder how you could not have appreciated life so very much before your illness.

     I keep hoping, as I write this, that you, too, look at passion in different ways - since your energy and enjoyment can be focused in the many aspects of your day-to-day life. I feel that passion is really about your capacity to open yourself to all that human experience can teach you.

     Is there something you’ve always yearned to do, feel, or share? Are there special people with whom you want to connect, grow, and love? Are there places you long to explore, skills you wish to acquire and apply? Are there creations you’re bursting to give birth to before you die? These are your passions, and you alone know if you are getting to know, experience, and enjoy enough of them to make you happy.

     Happiness is an interesting concept, really. I believe it has a lot to do with passion. During the memorial services and tributes on 9-11, I was thinking that our country’s mission statement really is that part of the Bill of Rights which declares what our forefathers dedicated their constitutional efforts to ensure: that we Americans have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

     To me, these words are the crux of those passions we want “enough” of:

     We want to live fully, in safety, with purpose.

     We want freedom (liberty) to create the lives that will fulfill us.

     We want to experience and express our most important dreams, for indeed, these actions ARE the pursuit of happiness.

     So, truly, we are so lucky in this country, to have the chance, perhaps more so than any place else in the world, to pursue our passions. It’s almost as if the word “enough” is a challenge to us, an obligation really. There is nothing stopping me, or you, from sorting through our many passions and experiencing them to the fullest. I think this pursuit is, after all, what crafts our character, defines our contribution, and brings us to a sense of accomplishment, integrity, and a feeling of rightness within our very being. So, I wish you all the passion you want, seek, and dream of every day. It is within your reach, as it is mine.

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Dr. Gail Feldman is a clinical psychologist, award-winning author, and public speaker. Her last book, "From Crisis to Creativity: Taking Advantage of Adversity," is now available in the UK from TimeWarner re-titled, "Taking Advantage of Adversity." Her latest book, now in the stores, is "Releasing the Goddess Within." She is trained in hypnotherapy, regression therapy, and eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). For more information, please call her office at 505-266-8488; you may also send email to: GFWrites@aol.com, or visit her Website at www.gailfeldman.com.

ow much excitement can you stand? How much joy can you tolerate? How much pain? Well hold on, because if you want passion, intense passion in your life, you may be in for a wild ride. Let’s look at the areas into which passion pulls us, because, after all, passion is powerful energy, the highest level of desire and focused intention.

     For some, passion is associated with love and high drama (with the emphasis on the "high"). The legendary romances of Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolte, Lancelot and Guinevere, all demonstrate passion, but also apocalyptic pain.

     Common sense, plus some knowledge of the endocrine system, tells us that passionate obsessions and love compulsions cannot be physiologically fueled forever. There has to be a “comedown” period, if not a "crash-and-burn" episode, and then a gradual re-stablization. A focus that obscures all else in one’s life for an extended period of time suggests an imbalance, a betrayal of the human organism’s need for rest, comfort and security, and a forgetting that every aspect of human life moves in cycles.

     With this in mind, you may be passionately involved with creating work such as art, acting, writing, expanding sales in your business, teaching your children to excel in school or in sports, learning a foreign language, or retraining in a new or related field. You might feel passion for a partner, the excitement of new love, or a new depth of affection for a spouse who helped sustain you through a life-threatening illness.

     Passion will enrich your life when it comes with commitment - commitment to your highest values - and to the growth and well being of yourself as well as to others. A "modern" story of passionate love and commitment is that of Simone de Beauvoir and Jean Paul Sartre. They were French intellectuals and philosophers who fell in love in the spring of l929. They met at a university in Paris where he was first in their class and she was second. On their first get-together in a park, de Beauvoir thought they might read or take a walk, but Sartre had no desire to do anything besides talk. They talked for hours. Ultimately, they talked for the rest of their lives about their passionate interests.

     "Sartre lived for his writing." He not only encouraged de Beauvoir’s expressiveness, but "…exhorted me to open my eyes to the manifold glories of life." De Beauvoir’s earliest passion was for personal freedom. She referred to the freedom of being an adult as "intoxicating," and having her own door to shut as "the height of bliss." She and Sartre embraced a concept they called "radical freedom," and carefully planned a life together that would support their love, but bypass the "bourgeois marriage" that would have cast de Beauvoir in an oppressive, restrictive role.

"One single aim fired us, the urge to embrace all experience, and to bear witness concerning it… When we were together we bent our wills so firmly to the requirements of this common task that even at the moment of parting we still thought as one. That which bound us freed us, and in this freedom we found ourselves bound as closely as possible…"

     United States Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s earliest passion was education. Born in l933 to first-generation Jewish immigrants, Ruth’s mother, Celia, influenced her love of learning with frequent trips to the library, and saved money to prepare her daughter to attend college.

     Throughout Ruth’s high school years her mother struggled with cancer, and she died the day before graduation. Ruth won scholarships to Cornell University where she graduated first among the women in her class, and there she met her future husband, Martin Ginsburg. They both agreed to pursue careers in the law.

     Ruth entered Harvard Law School one year behind her husband, their first child still a baby. They shared childcare duties and household chores. In spite of the chilly reception Ruth received in this class of ’59, she excelled in her studies and won a spot on the law review. During her second year at Harvard, Martin was diagnosed with cancer. He underwent surgery and radiation treatment for a condition the doctors told him very few survived.

     Ruth covered his classes as well as her own, copying notes and typing his third-year paper. Martin recovered and was able to graduate on time. When Martin accepted a job with a New York City law firm, Ruth transferred to Columbia Law School to keep the family together. She made Law Review again and graduated tied for first in her class.

     In spite of her superior academic achievements, Ruth Ginsburg received no job offers from New York law firms, and was unable even to obtain an interview for a Supreme Court clerkship. Her status as "a woman, a Jew, and a mother to boot," was just "a bit much" in those days. She learned that scholarly passion and achievement amounted to little without the freedom to be recognized and provided the same employment opportunities as men had.

     In the early '60s, Ginsburg was inspired by reading Simone de Beauvoir’s, The Second Sex. As her career developed, she taught at Rutgers, and she assisted the American Civil Liberties Union in litigating sex-discrimination cases. In l972, Ginsburg became the first tenured woman professor at Columbia Law School. Between 1972 and ’78 she argued six cases before the Supreme Court and won five. In 1980 President Jimmy Carter appointed her to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia.

     Ginsburg’s reputation continued to grow as a staunch defender of women’s rights. She believes that gender-based stereotyping harms not only women, but all of society, due to the corresponding abuses of power.

     President Bill Clinton appointed Ruth Bader Ginsburg to the Supreme Court in l993. He said, her "fine mind, good judgment, wide experience in the law and in the problems of real people," made her "the Thurgood Marshall of gender equality law."

     Passion is living the life that interests and excites, regardless of the difficulties. De Beauvoir and Ginsburg persevered in living passionate lives, staying true to their values, and overcoming the obstacles society placed in their way. Further, their passion proved to be their purpose, their contribution, and their service to others.

     Find your focus, your vision, or your dream, and manifest it in your life. And don’t be surprised to find that you’re also learning to love yourself, to honor your deepest wishes, and to fly free of all past limitations.

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Lenann McGookey Gardner is a Harvard M.B.A. and an independent management consultant specializing in improving companies' sales and marketing results. She works with smaller businesses, as well as large companies, worldwide.  Call Lenann when you want to grow your sales by closing the most desirable, highest profit business. Lenann is a winner of the American Marketing Association/New Mexico's "Services Marketer of the Year" award. Visit her on the Web at www.YouCanSell.com.

PASSION? NAH!

don't have time for passion right now.

     I'm too busy.

     And I'm sad. I've just lost a friend – a friend who was just six years old – after a 20-month, painful illness.

     It's fine to have passion in life, when you're carefree, when life hasn't sent you the bumps in the road, when everything's sweet. Otherwise, it’s not.

     Right?

     I'm convinced that it's not an accident that I have to write on this topic, right now. (I've procrastinated to the very last day because the topic doesn't inspire me in my current circumstances!) What can be said about passion, really? That it's nice. That it's good… that we should all have it… and that, right now, for me, it's gone.

     Is it possible to have passion in one's life when circumstances are less than ideal?

     In his book, Awaken the Giant Within, Anthony Robbins writes,

"Everything that happens in your life – both what
you're thrilled with and what you're challenged by –
began with a decision… I believe it's our decisions,
not the conditions of our lives, that determine our destiny."

     So am I deciding to be too busy and too much in mourning to have passion in my life?

     When I think of my passions, I come up with this list: my husband and daughter, my friends, my dogs, dancing, singing, performing in any sense, playing word games, getting moving, movies or better yet live theater, travel, reading, my spiritual life, and time together with fun clients who honestly want ideas about how to make more money. Those are the things that add the juice to my life.

     Then there are the obligations: the "have to"s, the "gotta do"s. We all have them. But perhaps the key is to keep a balance between the passions and the obligations, and consciously, to stop the obligations from consuming the entire day, week, month.

     Sure. I know that. Why don't I live it?

     Because I “over-commit.” Because I don't allow enough time for projects I take on. Because I crash computers, which sets me back and requires me to rewrite entire Defining Women articles (just did that half an hour ago). Because I sometimes get so overloaded that I just can't focus – which means that everything I do takes more time than it would if my mind were refreshed by time away.

     What's with that?

     Gee, could it be a worthiness issue rearing its head? Or is it an old control-freak problem?

     Think about it: A person who's pushing herself all the time could be seen as someone who doesn't feel she's worthy of leisure! Or someone who thinks she's exempt from the rule we all know exists: work too hard, and the quality of your work suffers!

     Is it a perfection thing, perhaps? I was exposed to a notion years ago that still floats into the front of my mind from time to time: quality isn't “the best I can do". It's "the best I can do in light of the requirements and the time constraints".

     Let's think about that for a moment. If we did everything to the very best of our abilities, isn't it true that we'd get much less done?

     I was once married to a fighter pilot. Before he flew, he'd spend quite a lot of time walking around the plane, completing checklists, making sure everything was perfect.

     That's because a mistake, in his line of work, could mean death.

     By contrast, I'm in business. A mistake means … we make less money today. We'll be back tomorrow! Those are not the same stakes!

     In fact, I've often said that, from time to time, it bothers me that I seem to be doing everything in a good way, even an above-average way, but almost never as well as I could possibly do it. (Read: "given unlimited time and resources" there!) I'd like to have a few things that I could really devote the time to perfecting – really doing as well as I possibly can.

     I've got to move in that direction!

     Let's see … I have some time available around mid-January…

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Janet L. Hall is a Certified Kinesionics Practitioner/Herbalist/Nutritionist and owner of Alternative Wellness Center in Albuquerque. She is a member of the Association of Specialized Kinesiologists of the U.S., and also a member of the American Herbalists Guild. The People Living Through Cancer organization recently awarded Janet a plaque for her caring, dedicated and professional treatment of those she works with who are dealing with cancer. Janet is also the consulting Kinesiologist and Nutritionist for A New Hope, a foundation for eating disorders. Janet can be reached at (505) 294-WELL, or docchall@netscape.net.

hen was the last time you really felt a sense of passion in your life? Whether it be the excitement of a passionate romance, speaking out about a subject you feel strongly about, or getting involved in a worthy cause - passion is a healthy part of life!

     What happens when we don’t have enough passion in our lives? Life could begin to feel a little dull, meaningless, or we could begin to lack motivation. We might even feel empty or unfulfilled. Many women read romance novel after romance novel simply because they feel passion is missing in their lives. But, what really is passion?

     Usually, our first thought is of romantic passion, but it can take on many forms. According to the dictionary, if you are passionate about something, then you feel “a strong emotion with an overpowering or compelling effect; intense emotional drive or excitement, a strong desire or strong love.” It can mean that you have great enthusiasm and zeal for someone or something. What the dictionary doesn’t tell you, is how great it feels and how it even improves your health and length of life!

     Think back, if you will, to a time when you fell madly in love and had a very passionate romance in your life. What was it like? Well, life felt full of meaning, purpose and the future looked bright and full of promise. Your body responded to these wonderful new emotions by feeling youthful, strong, and energetic. Your heart was light and joyful. It seems that tasks were easier for you to do and took less time and effort. You felt motivated to do things you hadn’t done in years! Friends and family probably remarked how you looked great, years younger even!

     Yes, even your skin took on a different appearance. Your eyes seemed to shine. Your cells and tissues renewed themselves better than ever and physical symptoms that may have bothered you seemed to dissipate. Your posture might have been affected - you stood straighter, taller and your gait changed to a happier, quicker pace. Sleep was enhanced, and you felt you even needed less of it. Imagine, all that (and much more) from simply feeling passion in your life! Amazing, isn’t it? A little passion in your life can go a long way. Current studies are concluding that people who have passion in their lives – no matter what form it takes - even live longer.

     There are many things in my life I feel passionate about - my work being one of them. I love being in the alternative healing profession. Helping people regain their health, pull out of depression and emotional illness and have lives with more meaning, and yes, even more passion, is truly rewarding. I know that even if I could not do this work as a paid professional, I feel passionate enough about it that I’d be doing it anyway!

     I also feel very passionate about raising my family to the very best of my ability, and enjoying each and every minute of it along the way. My children (now ages 22, 19 and 11) and grandchild (one... so far☺) are so very precious to me, and I have so much fun with each and every one of them. I marvel at each and every year of their lives, their growth, how they’re changing, and just how much they mean to me with each passing day.

     Sometimes you can become passionate about something because of your experiences in life. For example, a friend of mine had a mother who died of cancer. Having known the pain of losing a mother far too early in her life, she feels very passionate about cancer prevention. People sometimes have a zeal for protecting animals because they love them and feel for their plight, or they might join the current cause to correct environmental issues, feeling passionate about caring for the future of our children. Whatever form it takes for you... a little passion can make a great difference in your life!

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Jane Blume, Editor/Publisher of our Defining Women newsletter, celebrates 36 years of professional work in communications this year. Jane founded Desert Sky Communications in 1989 to help businesses, non-profit organizations and individual entrepreneurs "get the right messages to the right audiences." Desert Sky's services include public relations, marketing and advertising strategies and execution; writing and editing; corporate identity; photography; facilitation; and innovative radio programs. For more information, call Jane at (505) 294-1976, email to  or visit www.desertskycommunications.com.

thoroughly enjoy running Desert Sky Communications, my public relations business. I am also fortunately able to satisfy the passion of my second, parallel career: radio broadcasting. These days, I host programs on Albuquerque public station KUNM, 89.9-FM, including the Saturday morning “Folk Routes” (for which I’m one of eight rotating hosts).

     I was on the air with “Folk Routes” recently, when a listener called to request that I play something by (what he did not know was) my favorite group, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. “They’re going to be playing in Santa Fe tomorrow night at the Lensic Theater,” he said.

     Would you believe… my husband, Phil, and I had not been aware that Bela and his group were going to be performing in Santa Fe! I called the Lensic’s box office as soon as I got home – only to discover that the performance was sold out. The young man who answered the phone suggested that I check back on Sunday. “Sometimes the promoter releases extra tickets he has held back,” he explained helpfully.

     Well, we were not going to take a chance trying to obtain last-minute tickets from Albuquerque! The next afternoon, we drove up to Santa Fe, and got to the box office before it opened at 5:00. Although the posted sign on the door read, “Completely Sold Out,” a young woman soon came by to return a pair of tickets she wasn’t going to be able to use. Guess who purchased them…?

     The concert was as wonderful as we hoped and expected it would be; and we left the 700-seat theater thrilled as much by what we had heard as by our luck in getting in the door at all.

     In case you are not familiar with Bela Fleck and the Flecktones: they can best be described as a wonderfully eclectic jazz-fusion quartet. Depending upon the piece, their music can be played on a jazz show as readily as on a folk show – or even a classical music program given the right circumstances. Bela, who had a career in bluegrass before starting the Flecktones about 12 years ago, says that he grew up in New York City listening to everything - and wanting to play everything. He brings that unmistakable bluegrass sound into the group’s compositions and improvisations with his banjo and mandolin.

     The other Flecktones are:

• Victor Lemonte Wooten, a world-class electric bassist who plays the instrument so exquisitely that it often sounds like anything but…;

• Victor’s brother, Roy-El, who prefers (nay, demands) to be known as “Future Man.” He’s a percussionist who – in addition to performing on standard instruments – plays his own invention, a Drumitar (a hybrid guitar/synthesizer /drum machine);

• Jeff Coffin, a virtuoso saxophonist, who is capable of playing two “saxes” simultaneously at what sounds like 90 miles per hour.

     When we first saw Bela and his group perform in Albuquerque about eight years ago, we were astonished at the unlikely combination of a white, bluegrass musician, a similarly-hued harmonica player (Jeff Coffin replaced Howard Levy two years ago), and two African-American artists whose original musical focus we had no way to discern. Nevertheless, there they were: four exceptionally skillful musicians pumping out original pieces with sounds we had never heard or even imagined before. That night, we became confirmed fans.

     Several months ago, DirecTV broadcast a video of a live concert that Bela and The Flecktones performed in September 2000 in Fairfield, Connecticut. In our opinion, they reached a new level of creativity with this performance; and we were so enthralled by it that we viewed the program numerous times and made copies to send to our children.

     During that concert, equally talented musicians playing tabla, steel pans, bassoon and clarinet – plus Kongar-ool Ondar, a Tuvan throat singer from Mongolia (throat singers can produce up to three notes simultaneously) – joined the Flecktones on stage. In addition to original works, what particularly impressed us was the expanded band – except for Ondar - performing a rousing version of “Hoedown” from Aaron Copeland’s “Rodeo”; Bela soloing on mandolin with the Prelude from a Bach Partita for Violin; Victor Wooten’s inspired improvisation of “Amazing Grace”; “Future Man’s” wild percussion solo featuring vocal “samplings” from African tribal music, and Ondar - resplendent in traditional costume - blowing everyone’s mind with his “throaty” renditions of Tuvan (and other) music.

     The Flecktones reprised several of these wonderful pieces – including “Hoedown” - in their Santa Fe concert, adding the quartet’s version of George Harrison’s “Within You Without You”; while Bela incorporated John Lennon’s “All You Need is Love” (with the audience singing along) into his improvisational solo featuring the Bach Partita.

     Bela Fleck and the Flecktones go on extended concert tours and record albums both together and separately. I have often wondered: how do they survive “the rigors of the road” – even in their comfortable, well-appointed bus? Does it matter that they generally perform in smaller venues rather than in huge amphitheaters? Do they ever have any “down time”? And, why have the Wooten brothers stayed with Bela all these years? (For at least three years, after Howard Levy departed, The Flecktones performed as a trio.)

     I’ve concluded that this band stays together because Bela - whose musical tastes are eclectic anyway (he recently released a classical music album, and has several more in the works) – is a collaborative leader who encourages continuous creativity and improvisation. Many of the Flecktones’ original compositions - and most creative improvisations - are born in pre-concert sound checks. Others evolve in the album recording sessions. Their website leaves a definite impression that they are very grounded and spiritual in their approach to life.

     In the end, it really doesn’t matter if Bela Fleck and the Flecktones have satisfying personal lives (it’s none of our business, anyway). It isn’t important that the venues in which they perform are comparatively small. It doesn’t matter that a relatively small percentage of the music-loving public understands what they are doing. What is most important to Phil and me – and, I’m sure, to the four of them - is that they are free to let their imaginations soar, to create and play great music for wildly appreciative audiences. They are free to perform with virtuoso musicians of all stripes. They are free to be true to themselves and follow a spiritual path. They are free to follow their musical passions, wherever they may lead.

     After discovering this group, Phil and I have developed a passion for their work that nourishes our own souls. That is why we had to take that chance of running up to Santa Fe…

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