Summer 2004 "Trust"

ur newsletter will promote principles of personal success for women. These ideas will illustrate success in the working world, in interpersonal relationships, and in developing self esteem and confidence. Each member will bring special knowledge about attaining personal goals and adding a sense of discovery and excitement to women's lives.

	"My husband and I work hard to keep our promises, even small ones, to each other. He’s very good at remembering what he said he would do for me. He’s extremely punctual, truthful and honest; these are traits I both admire and cherish in him. It’s why I trust him so much."
	"We know that when someone lies to us, cheats us, or is hurtful or harmful in some way, trust is broken, and it takes a considerable amount of effort on their part, and ours, to rebuild the trust we formerly had - if at all. In new situations, I prefer being sure of the level of trust before I risk vulnerability in ways that could be difficult for me to regain."
	"What causes a person to trust another person in a business context? The authors (of The Trusted Advisor) identify four components of trust, and ... all four must be present for trust to exist!"
	"In the inconsistent, dysfunctional families of today, where single-parent households are the norm, emotional abuse is ever present. Even two-parent families have overworked parents; therefore, it is no wonder that this generation has a very difficult time with trust."
	"...customers and clients have to believe – trust – that a business or non-profit organization will provide products or services that perform as advertised and be worth the investment of their time and dollars. How can we earn that trust?"

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Carol Akright is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), stockbroker and insurance agent specializing in intergenerational planning, retirement funding and wealth building. She is Registered Principal with Associated Securities Corporation of Los Angeles, a full service brokerage firm. A financial educator as well, she lectures nationwide at both public and corporate seminars on investment strategies, "Dream Funding," and other financial topics. She is the author of FUNDING YOUR DREAMS GENERATION TO GENERATION (Dearborn Trade, 2001), and can be reached at (505) 897-1970 or akrightcr1@aol.com. Her website is www.fundingyourdreams.com.

f my father taught me one value that he prized most highly: it was Trust. “Carol,” he said, “Trust is hard to earn, easy to lose, and really tough to rebuild.” Over the years, I have learned that he was right. And that goes for self-trust, as well as trust by and for others.

     Why is it hard to earn trust from others? It’s because many of us have been burned in the past by people we initially trusted. By nature, I think, most of us are trusting - unless early in life we’ve been disappointed or let down by those who matter most to us. Otherwise, we tend to believe what people tell us, assume they’ll do what they say they will do, and expect them to treat us fairly. However, once they slip up, don’t deliver as promised, lie to us or cheat us, then we become wary.

     I have found, in general, that if someone does something untrustworthy once, they’ll do it again. It’s what a recent author called “the expediency” or “E” factor - such a person will do what is easy and comfortable, rather than what’s right and more difficult. As we get older, we get better at reading the signs of someone whom we may not want to trust from the get-go. We become skilled observers of body language--nervous habits and shifty eyes, especially when someone will not look at us directly in the eye when speaking to us. Even then, sometimes we trust the wrong person.

     I had a business partner once. He was really good at sales - a big producer in the financial services business - and I was looking for someone to share the work of creating and delivering seminars to corporations. On our first road trip, I noticed that he would disappear at night, go off to bars, and once when in the hotel bar, I saw him flirting with the waitress - making plans for “later.” This was a married man with four children. I became uneasy - as well I should have. He stiffed me for $7,000 at our broker-dealer. I fired him as an associate, the broker dealer fired him altogether, and I paid off every last dime to my company. I’ll never forget how angry I was at him, and how stupid I felt for not realizing that when someone cheats in one part of his life, he’ll do it in another.

     What about building trust with others in the first place? What do we need to do to show we are trustworthy? My business coach, Dan Sullivan of the Strategic Coach Program, said it very well: there are four acts that are required to build sound, trusting relationships - in business, or anywhere:

1. Show up on time,

2. Do what you say you will do,

3. Finish what you start, and --

4. Say “please” and “thank you.’

     I think that the “second act” is probably the most important - doing what we promise. Too often, we want to please people and deliver what they ask of us. We don’t always gauge correctly the commitment or time it will take. Sometimes, we don’t deliver on time - or at all. I know that when I haven’t delivered I feel small, feel guilty, and know that I’ve taken a major step toward building doubt in someone’s mind. I endeavor to estimate how long it will take me to complete a promised task, but I don’t always guess correctly. I’m getting better at it as the years unfold. It’s something I work on every day in my business life.

     This kind of reliability - count-on-ability, if you will - is something I value highly in others as well, especially in relationships with friends and family. My husband and I work hard to keep our promises, even small ones, to each other. He’s very good at remembering what he said he would do for me. He’s extremely punctual, truthful and honest; these are traits I both admire and cherish in him. It’s why I trust him so much. Still, there are times when he’s not as sensitive toward me as I would like, and so in the emotional arena, I keep my guard up a bit.

     I would say in this, the emotional aspect of our relationship, I am more reliable than he: I keep my antennae out - looking for signs of how he’s feeling about everything, including his reactions to my statements and actions. Now he’s certainly more punctual than I  -  for I seem to get immersed in what I’m doing, then look up and see by the clock that I’m cutting it close to meeting him on time. So, in more intimate relationships, I think we come to “agreements” about what the other person can and will do for us---what we can count on them to do. We establish how we will trust one another - and we leave room for foibles, flaws and behaviors that we might want to change but know we can still live with because we love the other person so much.

     That brings us to self-trust - one of the most important aspects of trust in determining our personal happiness. Have you ever let yourself down? Have you ever said to yourself that you would do something, stop doing something, or change a behavior that doesn’t serve you well? And then you didn’t follow through - with yourself? This may be something as simple as trying to stick to healthy eating and exercise habits, or saying “no” instead of “yes” when you really didn’t want to do something being asked of you.

     Perhaps you need to call home more often to check in on your elderly parent, or call a sibling and ask them how his or her life is going. What I notice is that the more I keep my commitments to myself, the easier it is to keep all my other commitments. If we cannot trust ourselves to show up on time, do what we say, and finish what we start, why should someone else trust us? If we don’t thank our spouse or child for something, or say “please” when making a request, why should they treat us any differently? The old “do unto others…” phrase might also be framed as, “Do unto yourself as you want others to do unto you.”

     What happens when you cannot trust yourself - when you know in advance you’re going to fail to keep promises to yourself? Several things happen: first, you don’t believe you are a good person - you start becoming quite critical of who you are and how you’re behaving. Then, often, when guilt kicks in, you start to lose your self-confidence. Then it becomes easier not to “deliver” to and for yourself, because it’s becoming a habit. Soon, you realize that you’ve become someone you don’t like very well, and often the way you’re treating yourself - without respect, really - starts to show up in how you treat others.

     I believe that people who are not trustworthy with you first became untrustworthy with themselves. So, perhaps the most important relationship of trust you need to build and maintain is the one you have with yourself. When you do, you’ll like yourself better and believe you deserve good things in life - good relationships, success, and happiness. You’ll feel good about life and know that you can count on yourself. This self-trust then ripples into the pool of your other relationships.

     You’ll find others trusting you because YOU know you are trustworthy. And to have the trust of others, to experience their high regard and their desire to spend time (and in business, money) with you, boosts your enjoyment of life, your prosperity, and your sense of rightness with the world. You’ll generate the friendship and loyalty of the people whom you meet and choose to engage with, and you’ll know more than ever, what to look for as you decide whether or not to trust them, because you are acting in trustworthy ways yourself.

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Shelby Smith-Sanclare, Ph.D. is a Business and Personal Coach who works with individuals and organizations to break preconceived patterns and create new and innovative ways to blaze ahead in their strategic thinking, decision making, and action taking. She brings experience and training in the fields of research, training, strategic planning, environmental design, organizational management, and business consulting. Shelby is a CoachU graduate and a member of the International Coach Federation. She has lived abroad working with both locals and expatriates in making business and personal life choices. Contact her at (505) 296-1514, or email her at .

The more we believe and trust in ourselves, the more power we will have
to make wise choices and craft a successful life.

efore discussing trust, I’d like to talk about some of the clues that indicate that trust is missing, and then see if you can identify any of these clues at work or in your life.

     During your day, how many of you find yourselves procrastinating or avoiding doing something, making excuses, or acting defensive, indecisive, or hesitant? What about being critical, complaining about other people’s behaviors, or trying to change them? When making important decisions or taking new steps, do you feel confused about your goals, values, or intentions - or are you uncertain about the outcomes?

     Do you like to feel in control of every situation? If you’re in an argument, do you know you’re right, and want to be sure that the other person knows it and agrees with you? How about planning that vacation right down to the last detail, including all the items in the suitcase? Or the opposite: do you cram the suitcase full of things you never use at all? Worse yet, do you take the vacation and when things don’t go according to schedule, do you feel that all the fun has gone out of it?

     At the end of your day, do you feel exuberant and pleasantly tired, saying, “WOW! I can hardly wait for tomorrow”? Or, do you find yourself planning your tomorrows to avoid the same results as today, or yesterday, or some other time in the past?

     I think you can see where I’m going with these questions. A significant number of our control and doubt issues stem from lack of trust, particularly not trusting ourselves.

     We could go much further into the various ways that not trusting can change the pattern of our life choices, interactions with others, and ultimately, how satisfied we are with the way our life is unfolding. When we lack trust, it begins to show in our thought processes about a myriad of things. But for now, let’s look at just a few aspects. What are some areas of trust? Examples include the trust in our selves, in others and in Life, plus blind trust and earned trust.

     We know that when someone lies to us, cheats us, or is hurtful or harmful in some way, trust is broken, and it takes a considerable amount of effort on their part, and ours, to rebuild the trust we formerly had - if at all. In new situations, I prefer being sure of the level of trust before I risk vulnerability in ways that could be difficult for me to regain. We all know our limits, and just when we think we do, it seems that another situation comes along to test it. I ask myself, “How much do I trust myself to rebound if the trust is lost?”

     Right now when the world seems to be unraveling with terrorism and economic woes, and even my own life seems so unsettled, I think, what is it I can trust, and whom? How will I know?

     A vital part of trust is truth. That is a good starting place. If we are truthful with ourselves, for example, we will admit that there are areas of our lives where first and foremost we don’t trust ourselves. If we trusted ourselves to make wise choices, we’d be less hesitant and more decisive in our decision-making. If we trusted ourselves to learn from our unwise choices, we’d be less reliant on planning every detail of our next decision, hesitating until we’ve explored all the options. Instead of trying to control every aspect of our lives, including those things that are really in the hands of others, we’d move ahead and rely on our resiliency to change course if and when needed.

     The more we believe and trust in ourselves, the more power we will have to make wise choices and craft a successful life. When we trust that we can rebound from hurt, learn from mistakes, and forgive ourselves for making them, we can be involved in life in a way that keeps us open to a world of choices and delights that we never could begin to imagine, much less plan.

     When we trust that the small and powerful voice inside is connected to the greater universe and is truly wise, and when we are willing to listen, opportunities seem to come out of nowhere to challenge us and to expand our horizons. We begin to want more for ourselves and those with whom we are in partnership, be they business associates, family, friends, or new acquaintances.

     The most wonderful feeling for me when I trust is the extra energy that I have. Conversely, it seems that not trusting requires a great deal of energy that could be used in other, more positive ways.

     We all have others we trust to some degree or another. When we develop a more trusting nature for ourselves, then we can build trust even more firmly with others. And those relationships form a foundation of support for ourselves—that urge us to trust in ourselves even more.

     Yes, sometimes we place our trust in someone, and when we are wrong, sometimes there are consequences that are no less than disastrous. Wouldn’t it be even worse to never trust at all? Wouldn’t it be better to trust in our own ability to rebound, learn from our results whom and how we can trust, and know that the next time we are called to trust, we can decide just how much and when to do so?

     Ralph Marston, a powerful motivational speaker and writer says, “Without trust, without faith, we are merely machines, disinterested and unable to truly invest ourselves in anything worthwhile. With no trust, the world is a cold, harsh and excruciatingly lonely place.” I tend to agree.

     As with many other things in life that are valuable, there are no guarantees when we trust. While I don’t suggest throwing caution to the winds, I do think that with careful tending and developing a strong sense of trust in ourselves, we can give ourselves more fully to Life. We can learn to trust the process. And then we can take the calculated risks that result in our developing our fullest potential and living the exuberant and vital life we are each meant to live.

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Lenann McGookey Gardner is a Harvard M.B.A. and an independent management consultant specializing in improving companies' sales and marketing results. She works with smaller businesses, as well as large companies, worldwide.  Call Lenann when you want to grow your sales by closing the most desirable, highest profit business. Lenann is a winner of the American Marketing Association/New Mexico's "Services Marketer of the Year" award. Visit her on the Web at www.YouCanSell.com.

What Causes People to Trust in Business Relationships

“o I trust this person?”

     That’s a key question in many aspects of life. Before we turn our child over to a care provider, or our mouth over to a new dentist, or open our door to a stranger, this question assumes a place, front-of-mind, and demands an answer.

     Professionally, too, it’s a key question, and particularly so for the people with whom I work in my consulting practice -- people who must sell their own services, or a product, to be successful.

     If we don’t trust someone, we’re not buying.

     Fortunately, though, we now have data about what constitutes trust.

     Four years ago, two of my classmates from Harvard Business School, Charlie Green and Robbie Galford, collaborated with David Maister, who has written several books about the management of professional services firms, to publish The Trusted Advisor. Here are a few thoughts from the book; perhaps they will stimulate you to add it to your collection:

     Trust is important. It’s something we all want. And when clients trust us, they’ll be loyal, they’ll take our advice, and they’ll even pay our bills on time. So what can we do to cause our clients to trust us? There are several things. But first it’s appropriate to look at the beliefs we may have that get in the way of trust. According to the authors, these include:

• Believing I must have all the answers,

• Believing I have to be quiet if I don’t know an answer,

• Believing I must keep total knowledge somewhat under wraps,

• And believing that I must keep any gaps in my knowledge hidden from my client!

     So … what causes a person to trust another person in a business context? When I’ve asked that question of audiences at speeches or trainings I’ve given, most people say, “Well, I guess I’d trust you if I was impressed with what you’ve done in the past.”

     And the authors say that a track record of success IS one component of trust. But the authors identify four components of trust, and posit that all four must be present for trust to exist!

     The four components of trust they identify are:

1. Credibility, which the book says is “the one aspect of trust that is most commonly achieved”. It’s our qualifications, our technical competence, our experience and track record.
    

2. Reliability, which is “the repeated experience of expectations met”. I take this to mean that NO ONE trusts me on the basis of one experience with me! Even if that first experience is positive, people will have to have repeated experiences with me in which their expectations are met or exceeded, to truly trust me. So how do I work with this in a selling context?
   
        If I’m meeting someone for the first time, and they’re not enthusiastically asking me for my services, more information, or another meeting, I try to set a deadline for myself, and then meet it. For example, if someone expresses interest in some aspect of my work in a first meeting, I might say, “You know, Jane, I wrote an article about that awhile back. Why don’t I send that over to you when I get back to my laptop later on, so it’s in your e-mail queue tomorrow morning?”
   
        Tomorrow morning, then, when Jane powers up her computer and finds the article from me, as promised, she has, I hope, had two experiences in which her expectations of me were met or exceeded: the first one was our personal interaction, and the second one was my follow-up email the next day. Now we’re on our way to establishing the Reliability component of trust.
   
   

3. Intimacy, which the authors say is the most common FAILURE in building trust. Greater intimacy means that fewer subjects are barred from discussion. “It’s a game of mutually increasing risk – one person offers a piece of himself and the other responds or not.”
   
        I think of this in the classic selling context in which the seller is asking the prospect a lot of questions – but revealing nothing about him- or herself. When I’m asked to reveal all my troubles, in lots of detail, to someone whom I don’t know at all, I don’t like that type of interaction – so when I’m selling, I don’t do that.
   
        Instead, I reveal a bit about myself, especially things that may be a tad unflattering to me. Please understand that I don’t advise salespeople to be self-revealing and dominate conversations with their prospective clients – that would be taking this intimacy issue too far – but I do recommend real engagement with prospects, without having them engage in a “core dump” of all their problems (selling is not a Sipowitz-style NYPD Blue interrogation!).
    

4. Self Orientation, which the authors tell us is the greatest source of distrust. This is an issue of being perceived as more interested in ourselves than in trying to be of service. In selling, threats to our ability or desire to focus completely on our prospect’s situation (which is the opposite of self orientation) include a need to appear on top of things or intelligent, a “To-Do” list in our mind that’s a mile long, a desire to jump to the solution, and a desire to win or be right.

     There is much more detail in the book, including the authors quantifying the various components of trust and formulating a “trust equation” that, I’ve learned, may be used in selling situations to help us look at why we lose the business that we would like to have captured. For purposes of this short article, though, the bottom line is that all our knowledge and experience, meeting of deadlines and efforts to connect with our prospects and clients are reduced by the degree to which we are perceived to be more interested in ourselves than in being of service.

     Think about that. Are there things you do or say – particularly early on in prospect contacts – that imply, “What’s in this for me?” Do you think that those words or actions may work against your ever establishing business relationships that could be valuable?

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Janet L. Hall, owner of Alternative Wellness Center in Albuquerque, is a Certified Kinesiologist, Certified Herbalist and Emotional Facilitator. Her success and reputation for helping others have brought her clients worldwide. She is a consulting Kinesiologist and nutritional counselor for various organizations; a facilitator for Life Change Integrations; a health and well-being author for various websites and magazines; and teaches and facilitates kinesiology, herbal and emotional courses. A member of Energy Kinesiologists of the U.S. and the American Herbalists Guild, she has also appeared on public stations KNME-TV/Channel 5 and KUNM Radio, 89.9-FM. Janet can be reached at (505) 294-WELL (9355) or .

f we think about it, at the core of every healthy relationship is trust. So then, if there are so many unhealthy relationships out there, there must be some confusion as to what trust really is, or, there are many who have never developed trust and do not know how. Some people even allude to trust as, “that elusive thing called trust.” In other words, they know it exists, but feel that it is unattainable.

When Does Trust Begin and How?
     Well, we generally learn to trust as infants and small children. Children begin to trust only if their environment provides certain basics. Their physical needs are not nearly as important as their emotional needs are, such as nurturing, kindness, warmth, touch, holding, bonding with eye contact, loving gestures and soothing verbal exchanges. Research with babies and monkeys during World War II proved this fact. In this study, a group of human babies and baby monkeys were given all the physical life-sustaining necessities - food, clothing, adequate water, etc., but their real mothers were replaced with dolls and therefore, their emotional needs were not met. All of these human babies and baby monkeys died. This finding reinforced the belief that children must have more than their physical needs met to survive.

Children and Trust
     It has been pointed out that children must have an emotionally healthy climate in which they can establish trust. It has also been said that by the end of a child’s first year, the basics for trust and intimate relationships are set in place! Many psychologists believe that if bonding and trust do not occur by then, it actually “cripples the soul.” Children who do not bond and trust develop self-destructive behaviors, eating disorders, problems with control and long-term friendships, abnormalities in eye contact and the inability to give and receive affection.

     In this initial bonding period, a child forms a trusting attachment to his or her primary caretaker because that person is warm, sensitive, and responsive to the child’s needs. As the adult cares for the child by attending to its physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs, the small child concludes that this is the definition of love. If this bonding period is inadequate and trust is not established, the child can experience lifelong devastation. Even problems with (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) are thought to be a person’s subconscious desire to create or mend that original lack of bonding. The addict is trying to get emotional needs met that were never satisfied in childhood.

     A child also requires consistency for learning trust. In the inconsistent, dysfunctional families of today, where single-parent households are the norm, emotional abuse is ever present. Even two-parent families have overworked parents; therefore, it is no wonder that this generation has a very difficult time with trust. In abusive situations, the child cannot accept nurturing when it is offered and simply relax, because the same loving arms around them offering comfort could become violent; and in cases of sexual abuse, that sweet touch could then become sexual and intrusive.

     The parent struggling with these issues can be caring in one moment and detached or abusive in another, totally confusing the child. The child’s environment can provide warmth and freedom one day and then cold, rigid, demanding control the next. When a child does not know what to expect, he or she must always be on guard. If life is not safe and predictable for children, it feels out of control and chaotic and lacks the security they require.

     The trusted adults around the child must be reliable, and do what they say they will do: feed them, meet their needs, pick them up from school, keep promises, etc. This kind of reliability gives the child the security it needs to trust and grow. The child has a natural dependency on its caretakers. Therefore, their behavior must show respect for the child and especially its boundaries, needs, and feelings. There must be a climate of safety and trust for the child to learn what trust is and what the child can expect of someone who claims to love them.

     The parent’s behavior must match what he or she says. A parent who loves you would not suddenly turn on you. So, children begin to learn what behavior can be expected from their parent. They will figure out what trust is, along with who is trustworthy. As this climate helps children to have feelings and experiences that match information they have been taught, they then can develop a deep sense of self-trust, knowing the information they have absorbed is correct. They trust their feelings and grow to make decisions easily and wisely. They do not experience the endless confusion of a child has not learned self-trust.

     In the inconsistent, unreliable and dysfunctional environments of today, children are confused and have great difficulty making decisions. Their decisions are made out of self-doubt, fear or hasty desperation. They have no self-trust and therefore do not know who outside of themselves is trustworthy, often trusting those who do not merit their trust and then not trusting those who do. As children with consistency and stable backgrounds grow up, they can easily decide whom to have as trustworthy friends and whom to avoid. They stay around those with whom they feel comfortable and safe, and avoid those people with whom they don’t.

     When they become adolescents, these skills are simply refined. Teenagers begin to apply positive traits of bonding - love, trust and care - to themselves and develop their self-esteem and worth. Their self-love provides the safety they need to develop intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. With each relationship, teenagers keep learning about themselves in relation to those around them.

Trust and Sexual Abuse
     The biggest breach of trust takes place when a parent or caretaker sexually abuses a child. That is when trust truly becomes elusive. The victim’s ability to develop socially is impaired, by suppressed secrets. How can you open yourself up to people, when you are afraid they will find out your secret? Once the person who is supposed to love you and protect you above all others has abused you, how could you ever trust anyone again?

     This young life is immediately thrown into imbalance. This child expects to satisfy others’ needs regardless of the pain inflicted, or is resigned to accept being disapproved of and abandoned. The child learns to mask and to try and compensate for his/her lack of identity and self-esteem. This child is not able to develop the normal inner strengths, coping skills and resiliency, and to find the resources needed in life. The child expects and accepts mistreatment from others as he or she has been trained to do so.

     These incest survivors may develop co-dependent, addictive and abusive relationships, or even become abusers themselves. And so the chaos or battering continues in addictive, co-dependant and abusive relationship, after relationship, after relationship.... until this adult, with a very damaged inner child, seeks help. Sometimes this mistrust breeds extreme jealousy of the victim’s partner being around any member of opposite sex, and it becomes a major issue for the couple. The chaos of these relationships is a distraction for the victim, so that they don’t have to deal with their emotional scars.

     Relationship addicts feel tremendous, overwhelming pain when these relationships break up, with many describing it as “feeling they are dying” in the process. It is really a lifetime of pain, abuse, loss and abandonment that is being felt suddenly when the breakup of a relationship that had distracted or covered it over occurs. Many incest survivors either give misguided trust to everyone immediately - all the wrong people - or trust no one at all. Sometimes incest survivors cannot accept anyone who truly is trustworthy, nor accept their kindness. They feel they do not deserve it.

     Incest victims, even as adults, are still needy children, fragile and undeveloped. They feel hollow and incomplete. These victims believe there are only two routes to take in a relationship: be hurt, or be abandoned. These people do not have self-awareness, cannot be open with others, and have difficulty accepting responsibility for their feelings- all of which are requirements for true intimacy.

Adults and Proper Trust
     In adult relationships, trust is built when two partners have eye contact, sexual and non-sexual touch, openly show affection, are reliable, keep appointments and promises, take responsibility for their own discomforts and fears, and maintain their separate identities - while having and expressing consideration and respect for each other. Each person in this partnership has a valuable core belief that the other partner can be trusted to hang in there if the going gets rough. If something were to happen to one of the partners, the other has the even more valuable and healthy, core belief that he or she would be fine and would be able to go on.

     Many confuse being vulnerable with being weak - and think if they are vulnerable, it means putting themselves in a position to be hurt. Vulnerability is really about having the strength and courage to be open: open to human contact and taking responsibility for your reactions to it. There is open and free communication and each partner is physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually available to the other.

     True intimacy requires that each partner allow for differences and mistakes. Trust allows for the acceptance of imperfections in yourself and others. It takes trust to be cooperative, to solve problems, to express feelings clearly, to expose one’s flaws, and to get close. Self-trust begins with accepting who we are, flaws and all; and trusting another human being who is respectful of you is accepting that person, flaws and all.

     Developing trust is very, very important in human relationships and begins in infancy. Establishing an ability to trust and bond in an adult that did not have this experience as a child is extremely difficult, but it is possible with therapy. You can develop trust by sharing your feelings with someone and watching their reaction. If their response is loving, non-judgmental or non-critical, trust can begin to develop. For trust to grow, this positive response must become reliable. Consistency is the catalyst that solidifies trust; and a person earns it over time.

     If you or someone you know has difficulty with trust, you may e-mail me at to receive more information on how to correct this issue. It can be done!

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Jane Blume, Editor/Publisher of our Defining Women newsletter, celebrates 38 years of professional work in communications this year. Jane founded Desert Sky Communications in 1989 to help businesses, non-profit organizations and individual entrepreneurs "get the right messages to the right audiences." Desert Sky's services include public relations, marketing and advertising strategies and execution; writing and editing; corporate identity; photography; facilitation; and innovative radio programs. For more information, call Jane at (505) 294-1976, email to  or visit www.desertskycommunications.com.

founded my public relations consulting business 15 years ago, and since we opened the doors, most of the clients have come to us on referral. We are very fortunate, and I have asked myself: what causes one business to become and remain successful, and another one to flounder?

     I have concluded that a major factor is “trust”: customers and clients have to believe – trust – that a business or non-profit organization will provide products or services that perform as advertised and be worth the investment of their time and dollars. How can we earn that trust?

     Experience has taught me that your organization can build and sustain a reputation for competence and trustworthiness if you and those who work with you:

1. Under promise and over deliver. Provide products or services that perform at the highest level and strive to achieve the best results possible.
    

2. Be transparent. It should be clear to your customers what prices you’re charging. If you’re performing a service, you and your clients should have written agreements (letters or memoranda of understanding or formal contracts) that clearly spell out what services you will perform and at what price and payment terms. If you have agreed in advance - and in writing - what you can expect from each other, the opportunities for misunderstandings are substantially reduced.
   
   You can always renegotiate if you are asked to do substantially more than you originally agreed to, or if the project is far more complex than you were originally led to believe.
    

3. Hire the best. Make every effort to hire employees, or bring on partners and subcontractors, who are the best talent available. Their work always reflects on you.
    

4. Never lie or mislead. Do not agree to, or claim that you can, perform services that you are not capable of delivering. Be truthful about the performance capabilities of your products.
    

5. Be available. Respond to customer or client telephone calls, emails and letters as expeditiously as possible. Empower your employees at every level to resolve complaints.
    

6. Meet your deadlines. If you discover that you cannot deliver what you promised on schedule, tell your client or customer as soon as you can.
    

7. Keep them informed. Report to your clients regularly about your progress on a project; don’t allow them to sit, wonder and worry.
    

8. Disclose, Disclose. Tell your clients “up front” if you are paid finders’ fees to recommend other consultants or commissions to sell certain products. If you don’t disclose it, and a client finds out later on, any trust you have built up between you will be damaged or destroyed.
    

9. Observe confidentiality. Do not accept assignments from a current client’s competitors, and do not disclose your client’s proprietary information to anyone.
    

10. Serve as early warning radar. Tell your clients immediately if you discover opportunities or threats to their enterprises.
     

11. Make referrals to your clients whenever possible and appropriate. Doing so demonstrates that you’re on their side, and have confidence in their integrity and abilities.
     

12. Be a friend. Keep yourself informed about trends and happenings in other arenas beyond your expertise so that you can give your clients advice, counsel and referrals if needed.
     

13. Thank them. Express your appreciation – often - to those who hire you, buy from you, work for you and refer business to you.

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